Laughing Together 5

😀😀😀😀😀😀

For your leisure time reading 

Read carefully and laugh without restraint 

Yes, it's that time of year again when the *Darwin Awards* are bestowed, honoring the *least evolved*. 

Here is the glorious *WINNER*:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

 And now, the *HONORABLE MENTIONS*:

 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find that a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into Circle-K, Luisiana, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER].

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Note : In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family...😀

A memorable event from 2017 ( Archives of The Mind )

Must share this before I sleep - a beautiful though small experience .

I fell in love again ............!!

With that bond I share with animals ( and with humans who respond) .

Was part of an event At DLF's CYBERHUB in Gurgaon 

For those of you who may not know CYBERHUB is a place full of eating joints and cafeterias. Now , most of such places , attract our connoisseur friends , the stray dogs and cats , who love the tit bits and left overs that come out of these places and make it their habitat . 

One such stray came and made himself comfortable at the entrance of the event site as he had time to kill between the hours of breakfast and lunch . 

He was sitting there peacefully minding his own business . Unknown to him he was causing agitation in the humans around who wanted him out . They called the security guard to get him removed only to be informed that DLF has rule not to chase away and traumatise these squatters . (Salute DLF ) 

So yours truly , offered to help with his gentle persuasion techniques and the following conversation ensued (actually ) : 

Me: " Hello Buddy ! 

Dog: ( Tail wag ) - Look : Yes ? ! 

Me : You know you are not wanted here ( Puch Puch ) so please to avoid problems shift to that place . Come I will show you ! Please come " 

That dog just got up and followed me to the place indicated much to the surprise of the onlookers .

Unbelievable but true ! 

( That it saved my self esteem and didn't make me a laughing stock was a bonus ) 

Had it been a human there could have been argument / justification / resistance .

To me this was another incident to valdate my beliefs

Thoughts matching an expression

#The #Catalyst 

" Nobody thinks of me so I don't exist and am a Dead Person Walking " 

" My Boss is unhappy with me " 

" I just can't get anything right at work " 

" My colleagues are set against my success " 

" That person truly loves me " 

" God is a figment of imagination " 

" My joy knows no bounds " 

Etc Etc ad nauseum.......

One could go on ....

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the various Scenes , Acts and Screenplay  humans are constantly creating at different levels and the Permutations and Combinations are a multiple of the number of thinking humans that exist .

And you say Humans are not Creative ? ( and I don't mean in a biological sense - that would add yet another dimension )

Each and everyone is constantly creating and thinking out of the box does not need cultivation - it is thriving and  existing since the time Adam and Eve adopted the pose with the leaf ! 

We are only led to believe that it is to be imported from outside but all it needs is an attention to our Natural Self.

Be You , not intimidated by externals and discover the natural flow .

See how merrily the waters of the river make their way to the Ocean NATURALLY  following the path of least resistance .

Musing

Just musing about the  human situation based on personal experience 

Think of how the Island must be feeling in the middle of the Ocean .

Standing by itself - surrounded by the vast waters unconnected to the larger  land mass of which it is a replica ! 

Sometimes it shimmers like an emerald and at other times it becomes just a looming shape !

To reach it we have to make bridges or cross the waters by boat or ship wondering if  the reception would be friendly or repelling . Will the coastline be a smooth bay or craggy rocks ? 

Most importantly , even in its solitude , its features and natural resources continue to thrive and if it does weep the tears are hidden in the mass of waters around ! 

It is self sufficient and stands there proudly !

The Creators

Reminds me of a story I read years ago 

=====

A priest passing on a road saw a wounded person in the ditch on the side of the road 

Remembering the teachings of his Faith he felt it his duty to offer help and succour .

He proceeded to do so and in the process asked

 " Who are you ? "

" I am the Devil " was the reply.

The man of God jumped back in horror and said 

" I can't help you ! You are the enemy " 

As he walked away the Devil said 

" Come back ! If you let me die so will your profession ! You will have nothing to save the people from " 

And therein lies a school of thought !

Very Good Jokes

I say - 😁😁😁😁😁

 It must have been a 

#Very #Good #Joke !!!

Old Story #1

A man was ushered into a room where a group of people was laughing their heads off as some of them were mentioning a random number .

Intrigued, the visitor asked for an explanation and was told " These are the Tellers of Jokes and having oft repeated them have reduced them to serial numbers which when said brings instant recall which helps saves time ! " 

Just then one of the group said  " twenty-seven " and they all ROFL but when they settled down one guy continued laughing .

Visitor : What happened to him ? 

Guide : Oh he may have heard it for the first time ! 

I say - 😁😁😁😁😁

 It must have been a 

#Very #Good #Joke !!!

Four legged brethren

Verse in appreciation of our four legged bretheren 

=====

I met this guy on the street 

He was looking at my feet 

I asked " What ails you brother ? "

His reply was in a language another 

Bow ! Wow ! ( Barking )

Translation : 

Bow i offer to the Creator 

Wow is for the breath of Nature 

Which makes me find all that I need 

People who voluntarily do me feed ! 

Then he seemed to ask : 

What  ails  YOU  Brother ? 

Your step is heavy , plodding along 

Your brow is creased ,face is long 

Here ' s a  paw , get de-stressed

Trust that , like me , You are Blessed 

So much said and so much learned 

Exchange of energy without a word 

Brought me to the realisation 

It's not speech but the  right vibration 

Vikaas Nafde Kathmandu 13 Sep 2018